The Pope VS Pelosi

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day they will rejoice!”

Pelosi replied, “I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand? Show me.”





















So the Pope slowly raises his hand and with lightning speed ................................................................................
.............he bitch slapped her!!

Government Health Warning

PLEASE read this carefully!!...I do not want this to happen to the people who mean so much to me.......

When does a cop know he doesn't need the Alcohol Breathalyzer

The Turkey Rap

The Turkey Hunt

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new/ empty folder in your computer.

2. Name it 'barack obama'.

3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.

4. Empty the Recycle Bin.

5. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'barack obama?'

6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'

7. Feel better?



GOOD! – Tomorrow we'll do nancy pelosi.

WTH: For Today, Homeless Man Bursts into Flames!!!

A homeless man caught fire after U.S. police shocked him with a Taser gun, it has been revealed.

Daniel Wood, 31, was allegedly sniffing gas from an aerosol can as he ran through traffic when he was chased by two officers in Lancaster, Ohio. One officer caught Wood and got him on the ground, where Wood continued to resist, according to the police report.

Another officer shouted a warning, then zapped Wood with the Taser, the report said. Wood immediately burst into flames that covered his torso. The officers were forced to drop their weapons and beat out the flames. Wood said: ‘My complete right half of my upper body is burned. ‘I have bandages from my wrist all the way up my arm and across my chest.’

He admitted he had been inhaling vapours from a chemical cleaner in an attempt to get ‘high’. Wood had been resisting arrest by attempting to bite the officers and lashing out with his feet.

Hey…this is NOT funny. I mean really, it’s NOT.

Jerk-In-The-Box

obama, change, "new jobs"? OH NO!!

Church Boobs

There was this small church down in Texas that had a very big-busted
Organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she
Played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation
Considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be
Done about this or they would have to get another Organist.

So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to
'Mash up some green Persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts
And maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her not to eat any of the
Green Persimmons, though, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth
Pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while'.

She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said....


'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon
Tewday.'

A Rachael Maddows look-alike?

They say everyone has a look-alike, I find it ironic that this twinkle-toes looks like Rachael Madcow.
But here's the real story.

It looks like there's something to this psychic stuff. Fortuneteller June Mitchell of Ocean City, NJ was apparently able to divine that this guy is a homosexual:

The rump ranger (sorry) above is Jamie Cohen, a visitor from Los Angeles. When a tarot card reading revealed that Mitchell didn't think much of his perverted sexual activities, Cohen stormed out without paying.

Cohen whimpered afterward:

I just wanted to go home to Los Angeles after that. I wanted to crawl up in a ball with my boyfriend and not move.
He took his revenge by demanding that local business owners sign a petition endorsing his repugnant proclivities. But when he presented the petition at City Hall, for some reason no one wanted to touch it.

Happy Birthday Prank Call Gone Wrong.

Husband thinks it’d be funny to prank call his wife on her birthday, turns out, not so funny.
He tricks her into thinking he got fired for having ‘relations’ with his secretary, she’s so mad she spills the beans, Oops!