HOW TO START A FIGHT

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
A Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

________________________________


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
We were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________


I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_______________________________


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
Reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
Drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
Right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
Hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
Celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept
Hinting
To me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
Something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
Making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she
Thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
Grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
Scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
The house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
Grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a
Limp.

______________________________


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
Lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
Boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
Downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
Garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
Would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
Back
Into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different
Anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
Terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
Stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
Anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License
to
verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience
at
the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________


My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________


I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.

Trial Set For Fatal Stabbing Of Sharone White Bailey

EASTVILLE -- The murder trial of an Exmore man charged with the fatal stabbing of the 2010 Eastern Shore Citizen of the Year Sharone White Bailey will begin with jury selection Tuesday.

Derrick Demond Epps, 36, is charged with first-degree murder.

Epps allegedly saw Bailey, his neighbor, return home from work at lunchtime on July 9, 2010. He then allegedly went to his kitchen to retrieve a knife and repeatedly stabbed her, according to testimony at a September hearing.

After Bailey ran to a neighbor's house for help, Epps allegedly broke through the door and continued stabbing her while the neighbor called 911. Epps allegedly said he broke into the house because "a voice told him she was not dead," according to Northampton County Sheriff's Office Investigator Terry Thomas.

Bailey was found fatally wounded by police responding to the call. Epps was apprehended shortly after officers arrived at the scene.

While in custody, Epps attempted to escape while using the restroom -- allegedly shoving Northampton Sheriff's Office Deputy William Smith into a wall and running out the door before he was shot with a Taser and taken back into custody.

In addition to facing a first-degree murder charge, Epps is charged with entering a dwelling with a deadly weapon with the intent to commit murder and assault and battery of a police officer. He is being held at the Eastern Shore Regional Jail until the trial.

General District Court Judge Gordon Vincent certified the murder charge against Epps to a grand jury during a September hearing.

Epps "made no bones about what he did," Thomas said. "He said it was not a robbery, that her people owed his people."

The slaying of Bailey, 57, who had been named the 2010 Eastern Shore Citizen of the Year at a gala event just before her death, shocked the community.

Bailey was co-owner and clinical director of Therapeutic Interventions, a Belle Haven-based community mental health provider. She was also secretary of the Eastern Shore Rural Health Board of Directors, helping to spearhead efforts to raise funds for the new Onley Community Health Center and served on the Northampton Joint Industrial Development Authority, as president of Habitat for Humanity and as a board member of the Eastern Shore Coalition against Domestic Violence.

Bailey was a U.S. Army veteran, a choir member and secretary of the Trustee Board at the Macedonia AME Church in Accomac and had worked for Accomack County Social Services and the Eastern Shore Community Services Board.

Source;  http://www.delmarvanow.com/article/20110711/NEWS01/107110302/Eastern-Shore-Citizen-Year-murder-trial-set

TIME MACHINE

August, 1908

(The Washington Post)

Amid a mass and jam of fully 15,000 people the third day of the Pocomoke Fair passed off without the slightest hitch to mar the pleasure of those who attended. Twenty-three carloads of visitors were hauled from the eastern shore of Virginia, and several thousand came from Delaware, in addition to the Maryland contribution. The races, while not divided up as much as in previous days, were close in every heat, and down the stretch it was a battle royal for honors.


November, 1914

(The Denton Journal)

The gaps in the State Road between Delmar and Berlin and between Snow Hill and Pocomoke City have been completed, and it is now possible to make the run in an automobile from Delmar to Princess Anne and Pocomoke City, Snow Hill, Berlin and back to Delmar by way of Parsonsburg and Pittsville without getting off stone roads, a distance of 85 miles.


May, 1917

The Worcester County Medical Society, meeting in Pocomoke City, passed a resolution regarding county physicians who were called to serve on the war front. The resolution stated that if a Worcester County physician was called to the front to serve his country, another society member designated by him would take over his practice and give a third of the fees collected to the military physician's family. The physician's former practice would be restored to him upon his return.

Tawes Crab and Clam Bake - Tickets May Still Be Available

Hosted by the Crisfield Chamber of Commerce

1-800-782-3913 410-968-2500 -fax: 410-968-0524

www.crisfieldchamber.com

email: info@crisfieldchamber.com

Wed.,July 20, 2011

12:00 – 3:30 p.m.

Somers Cove Marina – 7

Crisfield, Md. 21817

Steamed Crabs –

Fresh Fried Fish

Steamed Clam

Fried Clams & Raw Bar

French Fries

 Corn on the Cob

Onion Rings

Watermelon

Beverages include soda, beer and bottled water

Tickets $40.00 Donation

Includes free mug & mallet, for as long as they last!

Due to tremendous response, tickets are

limited to 6,000.

With a purchase of 30 tickets or more, we can provide an organization/business

with a hospitality space, for a fee. Spaces are limited, call for information.

Co-Chairmen – Scott Tawes & Danny Thompson

All-u-can-eat Menu

35th Annual Tawes Crab & Clam Bake

The Slurpee Birthday

By

Bruce Horovitz
USA Today

Free Slurpees come with a twist: They may cost you.

The slurp's on them. But the goof may be on you.

Today 7-Eleven, the nation's largest convenience store chain, expects to give away 5 million 7.11-ounce Slurpees on the chain's unofficial birthday: 7/11. That's roughly 1,000 freebie Slurpees per store.

No coupons. No catches. No questions asked.

Those 7-Eleven folks sure must be dumb — as foxes. When they handed out 4.5 million Slurpee's last July 11, a funny thing happened: Slurpee sales for the day rocketed 38%, says Nancy Smith, vice president of marketing.

That's right: Folks bought more Slurpees, even though they could grab as many free tiny ones as they wanted. "You get a taste of it," says Slurpee senior brand director Laura Gordon, "and you choose to have more."

Perhaps. But many folks seem to be so enamored of the word "free" that they'll spend whatever it takes to cash in. In many cases, customers will spend more on gasoline just to get to 7-Eleven and wait in line for a free Slurpee than the estimated $1 retail value of the corn-syrup-laden drink that has virtually no nutritional value.

"Slurpee drinkers are some of the most loyal fans we have," Smith says. "They come here to have fun." And while they're in the store, Smith says, many buy other stuff, too.

What is it that drives consumers to chase after — even spend more to get — freebies? Denny's has seen record crowds when it's given away breakfasts. Ditto for free chicken wings at KFC and free doughnuts at Dunkin' Donuts. "Free is magic," says Barry Schwartz, professor of psychology at Swarthmore College. "If you offer something for free, people will gladly spend money to get it."

It gets sillier: People who go to Slurpee.com can download tiny hats and confetti to celebrate, photograph themselves, then post the picture on the Slurpee Facebook page for prizes.

Schwartz isn't buying — so to speak. "Economists are wrong about almost everything," he says. "But they're right about one thing: There is no free lunch — or in this case, free Slurpee."

Source;  http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/food/2011-07-10-free-711-slurpees_n.htm

Crime Reports for the Month of June

As with last month nothing has been reported to www.crimereports.com to date.

Sledgehammer-wielding anti-speed camera nutjob shuts down Maryland freeway

If you're in the Maryland/D.C. area and curious about why traffic along the Baltimore-Washington Parkway (Maryland 295) is so backed up it might be the crazy anti-speed camera nut with a shotgun and sledgehammer roaming the woods. Police are on the scene trying to find him.
A white male in his 50s was spotted by multiple witnesses approaching the white Jeep Liberty camera truck and smashing the crap out of it with a sledgehammer — including the contractor sitting inside of it. After the damage was done the man, also possibly armed with a shotgun, slipped into woods.
Police shut down the freeway as they looked for the individual but recently reopened it. No word yet on whether or not they found the suspect.

VIA: JALOPNIK

NASA's Wallops Flight Facility

The rocket launch from NASA's  Wallops Flight Facility was a SUCCESS this morning!




Photo by JMS Photography



The second set of launches for this mission will be launches no earlier than Tuesday July 12. Window 9:30 a.m. - 1:00 p.m EDT

Rocket Launch From Wallops Flight Facility

Rocket launch scheduled for today has been scrubbed.

 NASA's Wallops  Flight Facility persons  say that the launch has been rescheduled for tomorrow.

Window tomorrow is 9:30 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. EDT.

Mistrial In Pocomoke Murder Trial

Written by

Jennifer Shutt

SNOW HILL -- The trial of a 19-year-old on charges he committed murder with an assault rifle ended in a mistrial, with jurors unable to agree on a verdict.

Prosecutors said they planned to refile felony charges against Skylor Dupree Harmon, 19, of Pocomoke City after the jurors in his trial told a judge they could not deliver a unanimous verdict.

Harmon had been charged with first- and second-degree murder in the death of Reginald Handy Jr. After hearing from the jury, which had been discussing the evidence for four hours, Circuit Court Judge Thomas C. Groton III declared a mistrial.

Harmon will continue to be detained at the Somerset County Detention Center until another trial date can be set, according to Deputy State's Attorney Paul Haskell.

The jurors had heard hours of testimony and a lengthy closing statement from the defense on Thursday before beginning to deliberate on a verdict.

Jurors were tasked with weighing the testimony of Rasheema Schoolfield, who testified she saw Harmon within yards of where the presumed murder weapon was found, and a few feet away from where a casing from the .223-caliber Bushmaster assault rifle was later discovered. She never told police, or testified, she saw Harmon touching any gun. The Bushmaster is on the Maryland State Police list of 45 assault weapon, and is a regulated firearm, which means anyone seeking to buy one legally in the state has to apply to the state police for permission.

Police officers testified they reviewed text messages sent to Torrance Davis, Handy's cousin, in which Schoolfield admitted to seeing Harmon with a gun. That was something Schoolfield adamantly denied on the stand during the trial.

Jurors also had to decide whether the military-style weapon found approximately 65 yards away from where Handy was shot in the back was, in fact, the gun that killed him.

A ballistics expert, Jaimie Smith, told jurors during he could not conclusively say the bullet that killed Handy had been fired from the weapon found by police. Smith is the expert who told police casings from a .380-caliber or a .45-caliber handgun were not linked to the fatal shot.

Harmon's uncle, Alexander Crippen, was originally charged with the May 2010 murder, but his charges in the Handy case were dropped before Crippen's trial. When Crippen was originally charged within weeks of the murder, police and witness testimony placed him within feet of Handy, shooting a handgun.

Police had originally believed shell casings from a .380- or a .45-caliber weapon caused Handy's death. Then Smith told authorities his analysis of the crime scene suggested those weapons were ruled out.

After the mistrial was declared, Harmon's lawyer, Sandra Fried, requested Harmon be moved from the Somerset County detention facility, where he has been housed since being arrested to the Worcester County Jail. Groton denied her motion, saying those types of decisions are left up to the warden.

Garry Mumford, warden of the Worcester County Jail, said it is "more feasible for us to house him in Somerset County." Mumford said he could not comment further because of security concerns.

Source; http://www.delmarvanow.com/article/20110707/WCT01/107070301/Mistrial-declared-in-murder-trial?odyssey=mod|newswell|text|Worcester County Times|p

James Ballard Sentenced To 30 Years

SNOW HILL — James Edward Ballard will spend the next 30 years behind bars for stabbing and killing Russell Matthew Bailey, the maximum possible sentence for his crime.

Worcester County Circuit Court Judge Thomas Groton sentenced Ballard during a court hearing Friday.

Ballard was charged with first-degree murder last fall for stabbing Bailey after an altercation in Pocomoke City. He was found guilty of second-degree murder at trial.

Source;  http://www.delmarvanow.com/article/20110708/NEWS01/110708031/WORCESTER-CRIME-Ballard-sentenced-to-30-years?odyssey=mod|newswell|text|Worcester County Times|s

New Operating Hours For Worcester County Transfer Stations

 Starting July 1, 2011, new hours of operation went into effect at the Berlin, Pocomoke and Snow Hill Transfer Stations in Worcester County.

The standard operating hours are as follows:

• Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday - 7:30 a.m. - 5:30 p.m.
• Wednesday – closed
• Sunday – 1:00 – 5:00 p.m.

While the operating hours at the transfer stations have changed, the services available to homeowners have not. Any resident with a valid homeowner transfer station permit may take household trash, yard waste and recyclables to the Berlin and Pocomoke transfer stations during standard operating hours. Household trash and recyclables may also be brought to the transfer station in Snow Hill; however, yard waste is not accepted at this location.

The central landfill in Newark is open to the public six days per week as follows and closed on Sundays:

Homeowners with permits - Monday through Saturday from 7:30 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.

Commercial haulers and other cash customers – 8:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.

 

For moreinformation, contact Ron Taylor, Recycling Manager, at (410) 632-3177.

MELSON POWER SHOW TODAY

Weather predicted for today:   Sunshine - Lower Humidity - Comfortable temperatures!

GREAT weather for spending the afternoon into the evening at MELSON POWER SHOW

Truck and Tractor Pulling

Lawn Mower Pulling

 200 Foot DIRT DRAG

Bring a lawn chair and enjoy the shade or take a seat at one of the picnic tables. Refreshments available for sale

FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

Note to drivers:

REGISTRATION AT 3:00 PM  SHARP

EVENTS BEGIN AT 5:00

PLEASE BE SURE TO BE REGISTERED BY 5:00 !

Admission: $5.00 - Children under 11 years FREE!

9343 Guy Ward Road

Parsonsburg, Maryland

SEE YOU THERE!!

http://www.melsontractorpull.webs.com/

For The Saturday Early Riser

MULTI PERSON INDOOR

YARD SALE

STOCKTON VOLUNTEER FIRE COMPANY

STOCKTON, MARYLAND

Saturday  July 9, 2011

7:00 AM  until  NOON

The ladies auxiliary will be selling breakfast foods and later hot dogs!

BAKE SALE TOO!

Salisbury Maryland IS NOT Business Friendly

A close friend of mine has a mechanic shop in Salisbury. His shop is joined with several other units with a adjoining neighbor that has a body shop.

About two months ago the Salisbury "Task Force" of about 8 or 9 people visited the facility to inspect the units, the "Task Force" said that they only come out when someone calls and makes a complaint. Later on the same day a man from the Salisbury "Health Department" also visited the facility to inspect the units, he also stated that he was there via a complaint that people were "urinating on the exterior of building"

Now what makes this interesting is that it's my understanding that these two business's have a neighbor across the street that also does auto repair and auto body work. From what I have gathered this person doesn't want the competition of the two tiny business's this close to his business and is doing everything he can do to run the little business's out and away from his business and that he is the person that made the complaints, that business is Kelley's auto body.

Fast forward to yesterday. Not hearing from the city in 2 or 3 months after their visit and assuming from what the task force said while doing their inspection, and what the health inspector said that he found nothing in violation, the two small business's thought everything was a-ok until yesterday. To their surprise a person from the city taped a bright orange piece of paper on the outside of each business and literally ran away after posting the piece of paper.

What was the bright orange paper? I'll get to that in a second. Let me explain how the building is set up. This is a large L shaped block building with nine units with six business's but only two that do auto repair.




Now to the orange piece of paper. The bright orange notice read,

Public Notice

This building is deemed unsafe

for public occupancy

under section ________116 #4________of the building code

of the City of Salisbury, Maryland

IT IS UNLAWFUL FOR ANY PERSON TO

OCCUPY OR RESIDE IN THIS BUILDING

UNTIL APPROVED BY THE BUILDING OFFICIAL

30 DAY VACATE                 SIGNED William Holland

BUILDING INSPECTOR         BUILDING OFFICIAL

 My good friend called Mr Holland to find out what this was all about, Mr Holland just kept repeating that he should get a letter tomorrow, finally Mr Holland said it was because that there were no firewalls, and people were "pissing on the building" (those were his exact words) and numerous "life threatening violations" OH PULEEEEZE!!! "life threatening violations", "people pissing on the building"??? you have got to be kidding Salisbury. Isn't it strange that the only units to receive the vacate notice were the two that are repairing vehicles?  

Now the City of Salisbury is closing down two honest very small business's because of numerous frivolous complaints from the owner of Kelley's auto body and auto repair which is a very large business. I guess Kelley's is afraid that the two little business's will take a biscuit off his plate.

Now thanks to Salisbury the big business can have his extra biscuit and several families will not be able to feed their families.  

Thanks Salisbury

A Hope For Balanced News

'If It Doesn`t Fit, You Must Acquit!' The Late Great Johnny Cochran 

By John G. Kays

Why is it that the defense called in more FBI scientists to testify than did the prosecution? Why is it that Gerardo Bloise performed more tests on the trunk of the Firebird, and comes up with nothing?

And how could Arpad Vass have been proven wrong when exclaimed: "Chloroform levels were shockingly high, unusually high!"

The answers to these questions will help to explain why the jury found Casey not guilty.

I`m playing back Jose Baez`s closing argument to see if I can isolate exactly where he clearly converted the jurors (who were unanimous) in their belief of reasonable doubt.

The most important reason is that the cause of Caylee`s death is unknown.

Baez brings up some other things too. How did she die? Where did she die? When did she die? Why did she die?

Prosecution argues it`s because she wanted to go party! Here`s their Achilles Heel. Prosecution chooses the shakiest argument they could find for Casey`s motive in killing her daughter.

This alone may have lost them the case. Family issues with George and Cindy, a burning resentment toward her parents, would be a motive I would have picked. Partying doesn`t cut it, and the jurors sensed this.

And Baez cornered George on the duct tape. George is the only one who is directly connected to the duct tape at all crossroads. And George lied about not having an affair with Crystal Holloway.

I heard the jurors were buying Jose`s relentless attacks on George. And don`t think Baez didn`t score some points when he blurted out: "This smiling guy here" comment.

A constantly smirking Jeff Ashton peeved me off endlessly and I suspect it had the same effect on the jurors. I heard Jeff`s retiring. Jose single-handedly boots the veteran prosecutor out on the street! 

And why did Dr. Garavaglia take away the Caylee case from Dr. Schultz? Why? Because Dr. Garavaglia was in close cahoots with the media and with law enforcement.

Jan could spin the case against Casey and provide `smoking mirror science,` where homicide can be determined by not calling 911, when there`s an accidental drowning.

Dr. Schultz refused to deem it a homicide, so he was removed from the case (Schultz was loyal to forensic science).

Don`t get me started on HLN. They`ve been spinning this case negatively towards Tot Mom for three years straight.

This is not news reporting, it`s pure propaganda! Cheney Mason scolded the media yesterday, bitter after all this bile and vitriol from the media.

Okay, so the defense celebrated a tidbit after their victory, they deserved it. The press is not a court. HLN is not prosecuting this case, so they have no right to do so.

This is a victory for a hope of balanced news also. The jurors knew better, knew to file away to a lost folder HLN`s ruthless spins. 

I still find it hard to believe that the prosecution used the hocus pocus video of Dr. Warren, where he finds a pic of Caylee and Casey, then proceeds to photoshop a piece of duct tape on Caylee`s mouth.

Snow-job technology that backfired in a big way. Phantom stains, phantom searches, phantom heart sticker. Autopsy? What autopsy? Dr. Spitz - discoloration in the back of the ears wasn`t present.

Therefore, it rules out suffocation. Duct tape on the face as the cause of death, out the window. Here`s some real forensic science for you!

And now people are bitter because Casey got off. How many of these people watched all the witnesses?

How many looked at all of the evidence?

And how many merely blindly tuned in HLN and (stupidly) took in a completely slanted point of view, without attempting to criticize what HLN was selling them? Very few, I must suggest.

Source; http://thesop.org/story/20110706/if-it-doesnt-fit-you-must-acquit-the-late-great-johnny-cochran.html

Sex Offender Wanted By Police Turns Himself In

Cubbage

SNOW HILL – The Worcester sheriff's office said a 20-year-old man on the sex offender registry who was wanted for failing to tell authorities his new address after a move has turned himself in.

Delmar Cubbage, 20, of Bishopville went to the Worcester County Sheriff's Office on July 7, sheriffs said.

He was held without bond pending trial. In Maryland, registered sex offenders have to report a new address to police within three days of moving, and police post current addresses on file in a list of convicted sex offenders.

Robbins

A few days ago, the sheriff's office said Edward Lee Robbins Jr., 28, of Ocean City was also wanted for failing to re-register.

Anyone with information is asked to call the Sheriff’s Office at 410-632-1111 or Maryland Crime Solvers at 410-548-1776.

Source;
 http://www.delmarvanow.com/article/20110708/NEWS01/110708011/WORCESTER-Sought-sex-offender-goes-police?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|frontpage