SEAFOOD FEAST Raffle Tickets.........

SEAFOOD FEAST RAFFLE

Mt. Vernon Volunteer Fire Company

27440 Mt. Vernon Road

Princess Anne, Maryland

Tickets are $5 and can be purchased from any member

The Seafood Feast Includes:2 Bushels of #1 Crabs
10 lbs. Shrimp (heads off)
3 dz Soft Crabs
100 Little Neck Clams
3 dz Ears of Corn
30 Pack of Beer OR 36 Pack of Sodas (winners choice)

Winner to contact Beach to Bay Seafood Co. to arrange pick-up time.

Package can be picked up in its entirety or any part of on Saturday, September 3, 2011.

 Entire package must be picked up before September 30, 2011.

Drawing will be August 18th at the conclusion of our regular Company meeting.

Thanks Cindi!

TIME MACHINE PREVIEW

************************************************************

STARTS TOMORROW ... It's 1879 and Pocomoke City's attention is on the trial of Miss Lillie Duer, a young woman indicted for the fatal shooting of her 17-year-old "dearest friend" Miss Ella Hearn.

Look for a facinating original newspaper account in postings beginning this Sunday and continuing throughout next week on the Pocomoke Public Eye!

*********************************************************

Don't Forget The CAR WASH - TODAY

Show your support for these young men and women in training to be part of the wonderful fire department Pocomoke is proud of.

Have the cleanest vehicle in town!!!

The Cadets of The Pocomoke City Vol. Fire Co. will have a CAR WASH on

Saturday, July 16 from 10 til 2
at the fire station.....1410 Market St.

Money raised from the car wash will buy equipment for the Cadet Program of the Pocomoke City Vol. Fire Co.

Thank you for your support!!

Touring Opportunities This Summer- Or Anytime.....

Mt. Vernon Volunteer Fire Co. FUNDRAISER

Mt. Vernon Volunteer Fire Company's

 Pit Beef BBQ Dinner

FUNDRAISER

27440 Mt. Vernon Road

Princess Anne, MD

Saturday, July 16, 2011

11:00 AM   until   SOLD OUT

Pit Beef BBQ Dinner includes: Pit Beef BBQ Sandwich and fries
Cost: $9

Also available for purchase: Baked goods, sodas, water

Tables available to eat there or carry-out.

NO TICKETS NEEDED!

All proceeds and donations will be used towards the purchase of a new BRUSH TRUCK!

Annual 'MUSIC FOR THE HUNGRY'

Johnny Mo the musical chef

presents

The 6th Annual Music For The Hungry
A family friendly day full of fun, food, beverages and
live music to support the

Foodbank on the Eastern Shore of VA

Onancock's Biggest Summer Party!

$5 admission

The big top is up at Onancock School for tomorrow's

Music for the Hungry!

Seven bands, noon to 8 p.m. Kids activties, BBQ and more!
Just $5 admission benefits the
Eastern Shore Foodbank.

Location :: Onancock
Time :: Noon     - 8:00 PM

Held on the grounds of The Historic Onancock School

College Avenue
Onancock, VA

Panel Rejects Sifrit’s Latest Appeal

Written by

Shawn J. Soper

OCEAN CITY -- Convicted killer Benjamin Sifrit, who, along with his wife Erika, brutally murdered and dismembered a Virginia couple vacationing in Ocean City in 2002, had his latest bid for a new trial rejected last week.

After exhausting an initial appeal process based on the claim his defense counsel was ineffective during his 2003 trial, Benjamin Sifrit embarked on a different tack in an attempt to get his conviction reversed and gain a new trial when he filed a petition in the Maryland Court of Appeals in 2008 arguing the prosecution team, led by then Worcester County State’s Attorney Joel Todd, used inconsistent theories of the events surrounding the crimes to gain the convictions of both he and his wife, Erika.

When Maryland’s highest court denied the petition, Sifrit last November filed a petition in U.S. District Court for a writ of habeas corpus against the Maryland Attorney General and the warden of the facility where he is serving a 38-year sentence, essentially arguing he is being held illegally and should be given a new trial because prosecutors presented inconsistent theories against he and his wife during their separate trials in 2003.

“This is a case where the issue presented has not been squarely addressed,” Sifrit wrote in his appeal. “It is an unusual situation because the facts concerning the claim have not been applied to the petitioner’s case. Benjamin Sifrit was denied due process of law and the right to a fair trial because the state used inconsistent factual theories to obtain convictions against both Benjamin and Erika Sifrit.”

A three-judge U.S. District Court panel agreed Benjamin Sifrit’s due process was not denied during his trial and denied his application for a certificate of appealability, which would have opened the door for a new trial had it been granted.


“When the district court denies relief on the merits, a prisoner satisfies this standard by demonstrating that reasonable jurists would find that the district court’s assessment of the constitutional claims is debatable or wrong,” the order reads. “We have independently reviewed the record and conclude that Sifrit has not made the requisite showing. Accordingly, we deny a certificate of appealability, deny Sifrit’s request for appointment of counsel and dismiss the appeal.”

The federal court judges denied the appeal outright without any further testimony.

“We dispense with oral argument because the facts and legal contentions are adequately presented in the materials before the court and argument would not aide the decisional process,” the order reads.

Source;  http://www.mdcoastdispatch.com/articles/2011/07/15/Top-Stories/Panel-Rejects-Sifrits-Latest-Appeal

Accomack County General Election

The U.S. Attorney has given the go ahead to give Accomack County a general election, meaning Accomack County voters will be voting for all nine Supervisors this November.

The routine measure goes along with the Census every ten years and establishes the districts to be represented by Supervisors.

However, this year Tangier Island will be in District 6 due to an increase in the population. No other changes were made to last cycle's election districts.

Accomack County citizens can expect information by mail as to where their polling place will be.

source;  shoredailynews.com

Johnson Gets 90 Days In Jail

Written by

Jennifer Shutt
SNOW HILL -- Tia Johnson was ordered to spend 90 days in jail for arranging and participating in multiple thefts from the Pocomoke City Walmart during the past two years while she worked for the store.

Johnson was charged earlier this year after Walmart officials confronted her for secretly loading gift cards, under-ringing merchandise and taking information off old receipts to benefit herself financially.

In court, she pleaded guilty to theft scheme of $1,000-$10,000 and was sentenced to 18 months in jail with all but 90 days suspended. She will also have to pay $1,860 in restitution.

From February 2009 through February 2011, Deputy State's Attorney Cheryl Jacobs said, Walmart estimates a total of $9,000 in revenue was lost as a result of Johnson's actions.

Jacobs said surveillance video showed Johnson under-ringing several people, charging them less than the marked price of the items they bought. On at least one occasion, the store documented those people going out to the parking lot and putting the merchandise in Johnson's car.

Angela DiPietro, Johnson's defense lawyer, said as part of the plea, Johnson was only admitting guilt in the thefts that took place during January and February of this year. Johnson's restitution of just under $2,000 stems directly from thefts in those two months.

"I made a mistake," said Johnson just before being sentenced. When Judge Theodore R. Eschenbeurg asked Johnson what her motivation was, she replied she wasn't thinking, and was being "dumb."

"This went on for quite a while," Eschenburg said. "It may have been a dumb mistake, but you made it over and over."

DiPietro said a friend of Johnson's family was "in a bad situation at the time."

"Sometimes people are in a tough spot, and they make a bad decision," DiPietro said.

Eschenburg did grant Johnson work release, saying he wants her to be able to keep her current job so she can pay restitution as quickly as possible.

In exchange for pleading guilty to the theft scheme, four additional charges against Johnson, including two counts of theft less than $100, theft less than $1,000 and theft scheme less than $1,000, were dropped.

The maximum penalty for the charge Johnson pleaded guilty to would have been a $10,000 fine and up to 10 years in prison. When combined with the additional misdemeanor counts, if Johnson had gone to trial and was found guilty of all five counts, she could have faced more than 13 years in prison.

Johnson has one previous conviction for theft for an amount less than $500 in Wicomico County in 2002.
In an unrelated court case, Worcester prosecutors forced Johnson to testify in the June murder trial of Justin Hadel, who was convicted of murdering Christine Sheddy, a mother of three. That conviction solved a prominent cold-case murder investigation. Johnson testified she was with Sheddy and Hadel in the days before Sheddy disappeared in November 2007 and that Hadel had confessed to her he'd killed Sheddy, whose body was discovered in a Snow Hill yard more than two years after her disappearance.

Prosecutors did not charge Johnson with any crimes connected to Sheddy's death, but they had to obtain a judge's order compelling her to testify in Hadel's trial. Hadel, who pleaded not guilty, was convicted on June 15 of killing Sheddy. He is set to be sentenced later this year.

Source;  http://www.delmarvanow.com/article/20110715/NEWS01/107150311/Worker-s-theft-nets-90-day-sentence

$9,000 in lost revenue and only $1,860.00 restitution.  Sooner or later Ms. Johnson's luck HAS to run out!!  And it will........oh,  yes it will. 

Burned Out Mini Van Found On Rural Road In Bishopville

BISHOPVILLE — In an unusual find, fire marshals are trying to learn more about a charred minivan found on a rural road, after a fire that burned out without being doused by a fire department.

The Worcester County Fire Marshal's Office says the fire happened at 12060 Industrial Park Road, in a wooded section of the dirt roadway.

 A passerby reported seeing the Chrysler Town & Country at 5 p.m. July 13, but officials said the fire appeared to have happened the previous night.

Anyone with further information is asked to contact Chief Deputy Matthew Owens at 410-632-5666 or email at mowens@wcfmo.org.

Source;  http://www.delmarvanow.com/article/20110714/NEWS01/110714017/BISHOPVILLE-Burned-out-minivan-found-on-rural-road?odyssey=mod|newswell|text|Worcester County Times|s

Rocket Launch Posponed

NASA is postponing the launch of two suborbital sounding rockets from the Wallops Flight Facility in Virginia on July 15.

 The postponement will allow scientist to review the results from two previous rockets launched from Wallops on July 10 and make adjustments to the project to enhance the science data obtained during the flights.

Further information on the mission is available on the Internet at:  www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/sunearth/news/rockets-atmosphere.html 

The next launch currently scheduled at the Wallops Flight Facility is a Terrier-Improved Orion suborbital sounding rocket carrying experiments from four universities. The launch is set for 7 to 10 a.m. July 21. The backup launch day is July 22.

James Ballard Gets Sentenced To 30 Years In Fatal Stabbing

Written by

Jennifer Shutt

SNOW HILL -- James Edward Ballard will spend the next 30 years behind bars for stabbing and killing Russell Matthew Bailey, the maximum possible sentence for his crime.

Worcester County Circuit Court Judge Thomas Groton sentenced Ballard during a court hearing Friday.

Bailey's mother, Mattie Fletcher, spoke to the judge about how her life, and the life of her family, has changed since the death of her 18-year-old-son.

"It's just been one thing after another since the death of my son," Fletcher said. "It's been hard... I've just been trying to take it one day at a time."

Ballard was charged with first-degree murder last fall for stabbing Bailey after an altercation in Pocomoke City. He was found guilty of second-degree murder at trial.

During the jury trial, witnesses testified that Ballard, Bailey and several others were involved in a fight the day Bailey was killed. Ballard called police, and once they arrived, everyone scattered, according to witness testimony.

Ballard stayed in the area and later saw Bailey returning from behind a house on the 700 block of Ninth Street.

A witness, Keonte Laws testified at trial that once Bailey saw Ballard, Bailey turned to run away, slipping on wet grass and slamming his shoulder into the side of the house as Ballard caught up to him.

"It looked like a punch... but when (Ballard) pulled his hand back you could see the blade of the knife," Laws testified.

During the sentencing hearing, State's Attorney Beau Oglesby read the results of a pre-sentence investigation that gathered the aspects of Ballard's criminal history. He rattled off crimes ranging from possession of cocaine to violating probation to shoplifting.

"You started as a juvenile with assault and battery," Groton said from the bench, later citing additional crimes -- resisting arrest, and fleeing and eluding. "This indicates to me you are a person with no respect for authority."

Ballard took the opportunity to speak during the sentencing, and apologized to Fletcher.

"Yes, I have been in trouble half of my life," Ballard said. "I didn't mean to kill nobody."

When rendering the sentence, Groton told Ballard that it is unfortunate there are "some people in Pocomoke who feel like the way to solve these kind of problems is with guns and knives."

Source;  http://www.delmarvanow.com/article/20110714/WCT01/107140320/In-fatal-stabbing-man-gets-30-years?odyssey=mod|newswell|text|Worcester County Times|s

Walmart Theft Case Against Tia Johnson

Tia Johnson was in court today for FIVE  charges brought against her for theft from Walmart from  2/26/09 until 2/20/11.

Of the five charges brought against her she will be serving time for only one charge -  Theft-Scheme: $1,000 to under $10,000.

 

Serve Time:	Yrs:0  Mos:2 Days:29  Hours:0
Probation :	Yrs:3  Mos:0 Days:0  Hours:0
Fine Amount:	500 Fine Due Date:CWS Hours:0  Credit Time Served:0

And a judgement placed against her:

Judgment Date:	07/14/2011  Index Date:07/14/2011  Status Date:07/14/2011
Status	Entered Amount:  $1860.75Judgment   Type:Money
For:	Walmart
Against:	Johnson, Tia Lynn
Judgment Comments:	Ordered to be paid through Parole and Probation as directed.

Tia Lynn Johnson was one of the key witnesses in the Justin Hadel murder trial in which Justin (Johnson's cousin) was convicted  of 1st degree murder of Christine Sheddy.

Maybe this is the  beginning ..............

Cracker Barrel Supports Wounded Warrior Project

Help Cracker Barrel create the 'World's LONGEST Front Porch!'

Submit your photo to support Wounded Warrior Project^™

Helping our country’s wounded warriors is a cause we care deeply about. That’s why we are asking Cracker Barrel guests from across the U.S. to join us in supporting Wounded Warrior Project. For every picture you submit, we’ll donate $1 to Wounded Warrior Project, up to $35,000.

Here’s how you can help. Go to the front porch at any one of our Cracker Barrel locations or even your very own and take a picture. 

Be sure to:

• Take the picture while you are seated on a porch
• Spread your arms out as shown in the pictures above
• Smile!

After taking the picture, come back to this web page and upload it by clicking on the button below. You can also email the photo to porch@crackerbarrel.com.

GUILTY Verdict For Epps

EASTVILLE -- The man who chased and repeatedly stabbed Sharone White Bailey last year in a horrific daylight slaying has been found guilty.

Derrick Demond Epps, 37, of Exmore pleaded guilty Tuesday to first-degree murder and two other charges in last July's killing of White, a business owner and counselor who just weeks before had been named the Eastern Shore Citizen of the Year.

Epps, who declined a trial by jury in a last-minute decision, could face life in prison when sentenced later this year.

Epps was the victim's neighbor and attacked Bailey on the afternoon of July 9, 2010, after seeing her return home from work at lunchtime.

Northampton County Commonwealth's Attorney Bruce Jones said Epps, who had been a counseling client of the victim's, had developed the mistaken idea that Bailey's family owed his family money.

Epps' attorney, Garrett Dunham, said the defendant had been previously diagnosed by multiple doctors as a paranoid schizophrenic and the condition played a significant role in the day's events.


Dunham said on the day of the attack, Epps was suffering from a schizophrenic episode and when the "command voices" became stronger, Epps armed himself with a large kitchen knife and confronted Bailey to ask for the money.

"Mrs. Bailey saw the knife and screamed. The defendant grabbed her and stabbed her," Jones said.

Bailey fell, recovered and ran to a neighbor's house for help. Seriously wounded, she left a blood trail visible in photos presented as evidence, Jones said.

Bailey was stabbed again before entering the home of elderly neighbors, where she collapsed. The neighbors called 911.

Epps went back to his house, but returned to the neighbors' residence because "a voice told him she was not dead," according to Northampton County Sheriff's Office Investigator Terry Thomas in a previous testimony.

Jones said Epps kicked through the neighbor's front door during the call and drove the knife into Bailey's chest, driving it down eight and a half inches. Officials said such a massive injury would have caused death within seconds.

Epps then returned a second time to his home, where police arrived shortly after receiving the 911 call. He fled to the woods, where he disposed of the knife, which was never recovered.

Epps was apprehended and taken to the Northampton County Sheriff's Office to await an interview. While in custody there, he told Deputy William Smith he needed to use the restroom.

"He took advantage of that opportunity not to use the restroom, but to knock Deputy Smith out of the way and flee the scene," Jones said.

Epps was taken back into custody after being shot with a Taser.

In addition to first-degree murder, Epps pleaded guilty to charges of entering a dwelling with a deadly weapon with the intent to commit murder and assault and battery of a police officer.

Norfolk Circuit Court Judge John C. Morrison found Epps guilty of all charges, including first-degree murder.

"The evidence certainly justifies his pleas," Morrison said.

Source;  http://www.delmarvanow.com/article/20110714/NEWS01/107140376/Guilty-verdict-slaying

R.I.P. Sharone White Bailey

TIME MACHINE PREVIEW

***************************************************************************

It's 1879 and Pocomoke City's attention is on the trial of Miss Lillie Duer, a young woman indicted for the fatal shooting of her 17-year-old "dearest friend" Miss Ella Hearn.

Look for a facinating original newspaper account in postings beginning this Sunday and continuing throughout next week on the Pocomoke Public Eye!

**************************************************************************

Teen Still Missing

UPDATE: As of earlier this evening- Kirsten is home and is safe.

This teen was thought to have been in Ocean City a couple of weeks ago.  She's still missing.

Ocean City Police Searching For Missing Teen

WMDT

OCEAN CITY, Md. - Ocean City Police are asking for the public's help in locating a missing teen.

Police say 15-year-old Tabitha Williams was reported missing to the Ocean City Police Department on June 28.   Williams lives in California, but police say she was in Ocean City for a vacation. Williams was reported missing by her foster mother. Police say she may be attempting to travel back to California. Anyone with information should call police at 410-520-5349.

source; http://www.wmdt.com/story/15068460/ocean-city-police-searching-for-missing-teen

Derrick Epps Pleads Guilty To 2010 Murder

WBOC

EXMORE, Va. - A man could face life in prison for the fatal stabbing of a community leader in Accomack County.

According to court documents, Derrick Epps, 37, pleaded guilty Tuesday to first degree murder of mental health worker Sharone Bailey, among other charges. A bench trial had been scheduled for the July 2010 crime.

Commonwealth attorney Bruce Jones says Epps had been evaluated by mental professionals to stand trial. Jones explains Epps had "developed an idea that the Baileys owed them cash," and confronted Bailey during her lunch break at her Exmore home.

A sentencing hearing has not yet been set on the Eastern Shore of Virginia.

Source;  http://www.wboc.com/story/15069045/accomack-co-man-pleads-guilty-to-2010-murder-of-beloved-woman

CARS 2 Event At the MarVa

Movie at the MarVa Theater  presented by Midway Chevrolet and State Farm Insurance.

Don't miss out on the fun!

DOOR PRIZES

GIVEAWAYS

Coast Guard Medivacs Ailing Fisherman

The Coast Guard assisted with a medevac of a man who was reported as being unconscious aboard a fishing vessel approximately 3 miles east of Wachapreague, Va., Tuesday.

A crewmember aboard the fishing vessel John S. Dempster Jr. called Coast Guard Sector Hampton Roads watchstanders at approximately 5 a.m., stating that a crewmember had passed out during breakfast.


Crewmembers from Coast Guard Station Wachapreague, Va., launched with local EMS aboard and transferred the man aboard to transport him to waiting EMS at the station.


The man was transported from station Wachapreague to Riverside Shore Memorial Hospital in Nassawadox, Va.

Source;  shoredailynews.com

From the office of Delegate Mike McDermott

Press Release

07-11-2011

This is a reminder to all of those who wish to be heard on the proposed 300% increase in the Bay Bridge Toll (from $2.50 to $8.00) that the Public Hearing, being conducted by the Maryland Transit Authority, is this Thursday evening from 5:30-8pm at the Stephen Decatur Middle School in Berlin. The school is located adjacent to Stephen Decatur High School.

This is an issue for the entire shore to address and will impact folks in Maryland, Delaware, and Virginia. Commercial truck traffic now paying $15.00 will pay $60.00. This cost will be past onto the consumer. Our brethren on the middle and upper shore who commute daily will pay hundreds more of their discretionary income to the state.

The increased revenue will go toward funding the ICC project, the expansion of I-95, along with other metro projects such as the Red Line and the Purple Line. While the MTA is willing to raid the pocket books of those on the shore, they refuse to consider a toll increase for the ICC so that the users would pay the tab.

Please show up and stand up to this outrageous money grab. Marylander’s…take back your state!

Public Hearing: July 14, 2011
Stephen Decatur Middle School
9815 Seahawk Rd., Berlin, MD

IT'S HOT !! ~Take Care Of Your Pets

REMEMBER:  IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE HEAT YOUR PET DOESN'T EITHER!

Be sure your  outside pets have plenty of shade and FRESH water.......

This might mean you have to go outside into the heat to take care of them.........if you needed them they'd be there.........PLEASE CONSIDER THEIR NEEDS -

CAR WASH On Saturday

Show your support for these young men and women in training to be part of the wonderful fire department Pocomoke is proud of.

Have the cleanest vehicle in town!!!

The Cadets of The Pocomoke City Vol. Fire Co. will have a CAR WASH on

Saturday, July 16 from 10 til 2
at the fire station.....1410 Market St.

Money raised from the car wash will buy equipment for the Cadet Program of the Pocomoke City Vol. Fire Co.

Thank you for your support!!

New Regulations Regarding Wild Horses On Assateague

BERLIN--Assateague Island National Seashore officials announced two new regulations to reduce harmful interactions between the public and the park’s wild horses.

One new rule prohibits park visitors from getting within 10 feet of any wild horse. The second regulation requires campers to secure any unattended food in hard sided, lockable storage (such as a vehicle) when not being used.

“We’re really hoping that visitors will take this issue seriously and help us reduce the frequency of inappropriate interactions with the horses,” Park Superintendent Trish Kicklighter said.

Officials say the new initiatives are designed to keep the park’s visitors--some of whom are bitten or kicked by its horses each year-- and its horses--who have been hit by cars as they stand by roads looking for handouts--safe.

Source;  http://www.delmarvanow.com/article/20110711/NEWS01/110711013/ASSATEAGUE-New-regulations-regarding-wild-horses

Five Indicted In Northampton Circuit Court

The following indictments occurred at Northampton County Circuit Court on Monday, July 11:

Amanda Danielle Budenos, 25 of Eastville, for three counts of uttering.


Jonathan Edwin Cox, 49 of Hampton, for four counts of forging a public document, possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, trespassing, giving false indentification to a police officer, killing a deer during closed season and hunting without a license.

Austin Preston Leigh, 20 of Capeville, for possession with intent to distribute cocaine, possession of a firearm while in possession of cocaine and possession of marijuana.

Akeem Rogers, 20 of Exmore, for 2 counts of possessi with the intent to distribute more than 1/2 but less than 5 pounds of marijuana, possession with intent to distribute of cocaine.

Christopher Daniel Tunnell, 23 of Nassawadox, for auto theft and driving on a suspended license.

Source;  shoredailynews.com,

HOW TO START A FIGHT

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
A Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

________________________________


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
We were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________


I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_______________________________


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
Reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
Drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
Right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
Hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
Celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept
Hinting
To me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
Something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
Making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she
Thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
Grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
Scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
The house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
Grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a
Limp.

______________________________


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
Lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
Boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
Downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
Garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
Would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
Back
Into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different
Anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
Terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
Stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
Anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License
to
verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience
at
the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________


My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________


I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.