Monday, February 1, 2010
Winter Classes for Women
| AT THE Hat Tip; Kack |
Miss Virginia Crowned Miss America
Caressa Cameron, a twenty-two year old native of Fredericksburg, Virginia has won the Miss America crown title for the year 2010.
A broadcast journalism student at Virginia Commonweallth University wants to get her master's degree and become a news anchor. But before she does that she must fulfill her year as Miss America traveling extensively to raise money for charity. Her platform will be on AIDS education.
"I hope to gain inspiration, I hope to gain momentum so that when this 365 days is over, I can shoot through the moon," Cameron told The Associated Press.
Judges in the Miss America contest were Rush Limbaugh, Vivica Fox, jazz musician Dave Koz, Miss America 2002 Katie Harmon, gynmast Shawn Johnson and former "American Idol finalist Brooke White.
Other previous Black Miss America's include Vanessa Williams who was replaced by another Black woman, Suzette Charles. Following that Debbye Turner was crowned followed by Marjorie Vincent, Kimberly Aiken, Erika Harold and Ericka Dunlap.
Way to go! Miss Virginia!!!!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Ready For the Thaw Yet?
The Eastern Shore is paralyzed this morning following the snowstorm that dropped as much as 9.5 inches of snow yesterday. The snow was originally predicted to have amounted to about 4 inches started falling early Saturday morning and before it ended early this morning, roads were blocked and events cancelled all over the area.
VDOT crews are manning the snow plows but attempting to keep Rt. 13 clear is a daunting task. As far as the back roads are concerned, many are impassable and you are urged not to attempt to drive on them unless absolutely necessary. Adding to the problems are the winds, predicted to be as high as 20 mph today which will cause drifting in many open areas and will keep the road crews busy.
Throughout the Eastern Shore, churches have cancelled services and it is fairly safe to assume your church will not have services today.
This is the worst snow storm in over 20 years. State spending cuts have resulted in VDOT being only able early on to try to keep RT. 13 and perhaps the roads leading to the towns. It will take warmer weather to get the snow and ice off the back roads and thats not expected until mid week.
School Closings
DE BETHEL CHRISTIAN SCHOOL - LEWES CLOSED MONDAY
VA BROADWATER ACADEMY CLOSED
MD CAMBRIDGE CHRIST ACADEMY SCHOOL CANCELLED MONDAY
DE CAPE HENLOPEN SCHOOL DIST CLOSED
MD CHESAPEAKE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL CLOSED
MD COUNTRYSIDE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL CLOSED MONDAY
MD CRISFIELD CHRISTIAN ACADEMY CLOSED
DE DELMARVA CHRISTIAN H.S. CLOSED MONDAY
MD DORCHESTER CO. SCHOOLS CLOSED
DE EAGLE'S NEST CHRISTIAN SCHOOL 2 HOUR DELAY
VA EASTERN SHORE COMM. COLLEGE CLOSED MONDAY
MD EASTERN SHORE JR ACADEMY 90 MINUTE DELAY
DE EPWORTH CHRISTIAN SCHOOL CLOSED MONDAY
MD FAITH BAPTIST SCHOOL CLOSED
MD HOLLY GROVE CHRISTIAN CLOSED
DE HOWARD T. ENNIS SCHOOL CLOSED
MD HURLOCK HEAD START CLOSED
DE INDIAN RIVER SCHOOL DISTRICT CLOSED
DE JEFFERSON SCHOOL CLOSED
DE JESUS IS LORD CHRISTIAN ACADEMY CLOSED
DE LAUREL SCHOOL DISTRICT CLOSED MONDAY
DE LAUREL SCHOOL DISTRICT 12 MONTH EMPLOYEES 2 HR DELAY
MD MOST BLESSED SACRAMENT CLOSED MONDAY
MD OPEN BIBLE ACADEMY CLOSED
MD SALISBURY SCHOOL CLOSED
DE SEAFORD CHRISTIAN ACADEMY CLOSED/PTS MEETING POSTPONED
DE SEAFORD SCHOOL DISTRICT CLOSED
MD SEASIDE CHRISTIAN ACADEMY CLOSED
MD SOMERSET COUNTY SCHOOLS CLOSED MONDAY
SPLASH DAY SCHOOL CLOSED MONDAY
MD ST. CLAIRE HEAD START CLOSED
DE SUSSEX ACADEMY A&S CLOSED
DE SUSSEX TECH SCHOOL DISTRICT CLOSED
MD TALBOT COUNTY SCHOOLS CLOSED
MD WORCESTER CO. SCHOOLS CLOSED/STAFF DO NOT REPORT
MD WORCESTER PREP SCHOOL CLOSED
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped...
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 pounds.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year In Mexifornia and Floruba.
Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Great Job Pocomoke and Worcester County!!
In a post below I mentioned that I would be out and about helping people that may be stuck, slid of the road, stranded etcetera.
We were out for hours and obviously most people remained off the roads. During the worst part of the storm the Pocomoke City Public Works crew were in full force clearing the roads, at that time the snow was falling at such a rate that by the time they plowed a street from one end to the other the snow would cover it again yet the Pocomoke crew kept the roads passable and as safe to travel as humanly possible.
I traveled most roads from the Virginia line to Salisbury, The highway, and many secondary roads. In my travels it was plain to see that Maryland had every piece of equipment they had trying to keep the roads as safe as possible.
Worcester county roads were by far the best, cruising the Pocomoke forest it was very clear when I entered Somerset and Wicomico counties as their roads were covered in snow. Worcester county's Whitesburg road (Old Pocomoke Rd.) was completely clear of any snow they had a grader clearing the Pocomoke forest roads while Somerset's Dividing Creek road was a complete mess along with other Somerset roads. Accomack county had not touched their secondary roads and the highway in Va was just so-so.
As for the Cities, Pocomoke was by-far the best cleared and the safest, most were completely passable, Pocomoke had the only town that cleared a path for two lanes. Fruitland was probably the worst.
Great job Pocomoke and Worcester county.
We were out for hours and obviously most people remained off the roads. During the worst part of the storm the Pocomoke City Public Works crew were in full force clearing the roads, at that time the snow was falling at such a rate that by the time they plowed a street from one end to the other the snow would cover it again yet the Pocomoke crew kept the roads passable and as safe to travel as humanly possible.
I traveled most roads from the Virginia line to Salisbury, The highway, and many secondary roads. In my travels it was plain to see that Maryland had every piece of equipment they had trying to keep the roads as safe as possible.
Worcester county roads were by far the best, cruising the Pocomoke forest it was very clear when I entered Somerset and Wicomico counties as their roads were covered in snow. Worcester county's Whitesburg road (Old Pocomoke Rd.) was completely clear of any snow they had a grader clearing the Pocomoke forest roads while Somerset's Dividing Creek road was a complete mess along with other Somerset roads. Accomack county had not touched their secondary roads and the highway in Va was just so-so.
As for the Cities, Pocomoke was by-far the best cleared and the safest, most were completely passable, Pocomoke had the only town that cleared a path for two lanes. Fruitland was probably the worst.
Great job Pocomoke and Worcester county.
MORE CLOSINGS FROM ACCOMACK COUNTY
Eastern Shore Short Circuit Horse Show Association has rescheduled its banquet for February 20th
Soup Day at Bethel Baptist Church- Cancelled
Accomack County Parks & Rec Basketball at Nandua Middle School- Cancelled
Eastville Fire Company Bingo for tonight- cancelled
Northampton Landfill- closed today
Onley Community Health Center- closed
Main Station in Cape Charles and Exmore- closed today
ES Animal Hospital- closed at 10:00 AM
Bluegrass Gospel Concert at Belle Haven UMC- rescheduled February 21st at 3:00 PM
Food Bank Thrift Store- closed
H&R Block Onley- closed
Liberty Tax Service- closed today, open 12-5 Sunday
Accutax Income Tax Service- Closing Saturdy at 1:00 PM
Purdue 2nd Shift Ground Chicken- No Work Tonight
Soup Day at Bethel Baptist Church- Cancelled
Accomack County Parks & Rec Basketball at Nandua Middle School- Cancelled
Eastville Fire Company Bingo for tonight- cancelled
Northampton Landfill- closed today
Onley Community Health Center- closed
Main Station in Cape Charles and Exmore- closed today
ES Animal Hospital- closed at 10:00 AM
Bluegrass Gospel Concert at Belle Haven UMC- rescheduled February 21st at 3:00 PM
Food Bank Thrift Store- closed
H&R Block Onley- closed
Liberty Tax Service- closed today, open 12-5 Sunday
Accutax Income Tax Service- Closing Saturdy at 1:00 PM
Purdue 2nd Shift Ground Chicken- No Work Tonight
Mar-Va Theater
The "Woodstok Nation" show scheduled for tonight at the
Mar-Va Theater has been
CANCELLED DUE TO THE WEATHER !!!!
Mar-Va Theater has been
CANCELLED DUE TO THE WEATHER !!!!
Accomack County -- Virginia
People, believe me when I tell you that the roads aren't safe for driving. Please use some sense and stay home or wherever you are. These photos were taken a few hours ago when driving was horrible enough and by now conditions have gotten much worse.
Besides, most stores down here have CLOSED! Please stay home where you are safe. Don't risk it just because you think you need to go to the store! And maybe if each one of us stays home those that are working may be able to get home sooner
Besides, most stores down here have CLOSED! Please stay home where you are safe. Don't risk it just because you think you need to go to the store! And maybe if each one of us stays home those that are working may be able to get home sooner 
White out conditions!!!! Eight inches or more of snow where I am. The winds have picked up and the snow is drifting badly.
The temperature in 19 degrees! Please stay home. Stay warm. Stay alive.
It's not worth going out onto the roads.
If You Haven't Noticed, IT'S SNOWING!!
Listening to the scanner the plows in Pocomoke cannot keep up with the falling snow, police vehicles across the county are getting stuck and and travelers are sliding in ditches everywhere.
If you have to go out please be very careful and drive with caution, leave a lot of extra distance between you and the vehicle in front of you, if you have a 4x4 don't think just because it's a 4x4 you can drive it like you stole it in this weather.
The best practice in heavy snow while driving is to drive like you have an egg between your foot and the accelerator/brake peddles and you don't want to crack the egg.
I will be out looking for people/civil servants that are stuck or in ditches to give them assistance in this very cold weather.
If you are in the local area and need a hand give me a call @ (410) 726-6925
IF YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY CALL; 911
If you have to go out please be very careful and drive with caution, leave a lot of extra distance between you and the vehicle in front of you, if you have a 4x4 don't think just because it's a 4x4 you can drive it like you stole it in this weather.
The best practice in heavy snow while driving is to drive like you have an egg between your foot and the accelerator/brake peddles and you don't want to crack the egg.
I will be out looking for people/civil servants that are stuck or in ditches to give them assistance in this very cold weather.
If you are in the local area and need a hand give me a call @ (410) 726-6925
IF YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY CALL; 911
What's Wrong With This Letter
This is an actual copy of a letter sent from the SS administration, can you find the irony in this?
Want A Dog? Worcester dogs rescued from 'squalid' conditions
I would like to have the Pug or a Min-Pin... If anyone has the urge for a new or an additional pet here's your chance.
From
Eight dogs have been rescued from a Pocomoke-area property after Worcester County Animal Control was alerted to their dismal living conditions, police said.
The animals were found living "outdoors in squalid conditions for an extended period of time," according to a statement from the county government. Chief Deputy Doug Dods of the Worcester County Sheriff's Office did not specify the property where the dogs had been living.
"The pictures I was given, I wouldn't want to show you," Dods said. "The conditions were such that it met the requirements for animal control to intervene."
However, there are no animal neglect or cruelty charges pending against the dogs' former owners, Dods said.
"It was not malicious," he said of the conditions at the property. "It was just a situation that escalated, and the people couldn't help it. We've been getting a lot more of those, where it's not malicious. Some of them are just economically getting in over their heads and they just don't want to call it quits."
Several farm animals were also removed from the property by the Maryland Department of Agriculture, Dods said. Animal Control officers started an investigation of the property after receiving a tip about the condition of the animals.
The county is now looking for homes for the two Pomeranian mixes, three min pins, a pug, a Jack Russell terrier mix and a wire hair. All seem to be in good health and have been treated by a vet since being taken from the property.
While there is space for the eight small dogs in the county kennels, Dods said he would like to find new homes for each as soon as possible.
"We know there are folks out there that are toying around with the idea of getting a dog, but haven't found one that will fit their lifestyle," he said.
Animal Control also said new owners may need to put time into training the dogs and providing for their comfort.
"We would like to see these little guys go to good homes," Chief Animal Control Officer Sue Rantz said. "These dogs are very affectionate and would make great companions for senior citizens or others who can devote time and attention to them."
For more information on the dogs, contact Worcester County Animal Control at 410-632-1340.
VIA; DelmarvaNow.com
Friday, January 29, 2010
Maryland Prepares Roads for Snow
Maryland State Highway Administration got an early start treating the roads Friday.
Crews were out in full force trying to get a head start before any precipitation arrived.
Truck after truck loaded up with salt as winter weather was on the way.
Two honks meant the truck was full and ready to go, but before the trucks would take action, other trucks prepared the roads by spraying a liquid.
Wayne Weichmann at Maryland State Highway Administration said, "It's a mixture of water and salt and what we do, it's liquid , we spray it out and as the water evaporates it leaves a film of salt on the roadway."
All of the drivers had specific routes to cover. Some salt brine trucks focused on the highway.
Driver Lyonell Purnell Sr. said, "We are going to be pre-treating all of the concrete roads, so before the storm even comes we're going to pre-treat it so it won't freeze up so fast."
Once the trucks sprayed the roads, the salt trucks prepared for their departure and the plows are the last to head out.
Crew members said they were ready for action.
"We'll be ready on call, matter of fact, there is work before we even get here, so there will be a safety thing for us," added Purnell.
The public can make the road crews' jobs easier by staying off the roads once the winter weather arrives, so crews have more room to work.
Snatched; WBOC.COM
Virginia Braces For Snow Storm
TEMPERANCEVILLE, Va.- Virginia's Department of Transportation said crews are prepared for this weekend's winter weather.
VDOT said 245 pieces of snow-fighting equipment will be available throughout Accomack and Northampton counties, and in Hampton Roads.
VDOT said crews will respond to road conditions at the first sign of snow.
In Accomack, crews will focus on Route 13 and 175 before responding to secondary roads, according to VDOT.
"Usually our goal is after the end of a [snow storm] we hope to be able to have traffic and our equipment on those [secondary] roads within 24 to 48 hours after the snow fall ends depending on the depth and the severity of the storm," said Chris Isdell, an operations manager with VDOT.
Isdell said crews will be placing a mixture of sand and salt on roadways to prevent icing.
Snatched; WBOC.COM
Volunteer at Md. school charged with sexually abusing male teen
Montgomery County Police have charged a 24-year-old woman who was a volunteer at a Germantown high school with sexually abusing a male student.
Jennifer Glad of Germantown was arrested Friday and charged with four counts of sexual abuse of a minor and four counts of a third-degree sexual offense. She is being held on $25,000 bond.
Police say the parents of a 15-year-old student at Seneca Valley High School in Germantown became suspicious that their son was involved with an adult volunteer. They contacted school administrators, who called police.
Officers say the alleged sexual encounters took place in Glad’s car away from school property.
VIA; DelmarvaNow.comWhere is Christine Sheddy?
It's been much too quiet for months now on the case of the missing mother Christine Sheddy.
A Delaware resident visiting friends that lived on the outskirts of Pocomoke city that vanished without a trace over two years ago.
All of a sudden the uproar has died as fast as it reared. Even with shouldering the attacks the PPE absorbed.
What's the hold-up on the DNA of the remains that were found on a local beach that authorities assumed to be of Christine?
A womans remains (bones) were found recently by hunters at a boat ramp near "Dover" on Port Mahon Road, this area is where Christine Sheddy lived. The remains (bones) have been there so long that even the race of the womans remains are undetectable and DNA samples had to be lab tested. The results are estimated to be returned in 90 days so why is it taking so long for DNA results of the skull found on Assateague Island.
Although I'm literally hated for exposing the raw truth of the matter and sticking-up for the PCVFD I still to this day continue to search diligently for answers in this case of the missing mother.
This case will not go away. The good people of Pocomoke still want answers. They volunteered their precious time and monies on more than one occasion only to be chastised by the great hope in the end.
Local LE has worked overtime again and again with no answers. The suspects have moved about endlessly causing turmoil and chaos for others in their path only to return to Pocomoke.
We were told by the new hope "they were being interrogated". We were told "they were cooperating" and that "leads" and "witness's" were "coming forward". What did we get? A long series of embellishments and plagiarism compiled into chapters of who shot John (BS) for one reason and one reason only.
This "new hope", granted, has a silver tongue and even fooled me for a short period. So I don't place blame on those that hate me for exposing the "new hope". I had my hopes up as well and was blinded for a minute, but not much longer.
Where is the "new hope" now? What poor unsuspecting family is she chasing at present? What community is the "new hope" trying to segregate? Who is the "new hope" trying to sue? Which LE agency is being accused of a conspiracy? Yes the "new hope" still has a few of the lesser minded twisted around her little finger, but I bet that Christine's family has had second thoughts by now.
Through all the flack, attacks, and down right mean spirited nonsense we are still here and looking. We need no pat on the back. We need no recognition. We just want Christine found. Period! It's been too long.
Although we must face the facts that many have gone missing and have never been found, sad as it may be it's a reality.
Where is the hero that rode in on the white horse now?
We are still here!!
A Delaware resident visiting friends that lived on the outskirts of Pocomoke city that vanished without a trace over two years ago.
All of a sudden the uproar has died as fast as it reared. Even with shouldering the attacks the PPE absorbed.
What's the hold-up on the DNA of the remains that were found on a local beach that authorities assumed to be of Christine?
A womans remains (bones) were found recently by hunters at a boat ramp near "Dover" on Port Mahon Road, this area is where Christine Sheddy lived. The remains (bones) have been there so long that even the race of the womans remains are undetectable and DNA samples had to be lab tested. The results are estimated to be returned in 90 days so why is it taking so long for DNA results of the skull found on Assateague Island.
Although I'm literally hated for exposing the raw truth of the matter and sticking-up for the PCVFD I still to this day continue to search diligently for answers in this case of the missing mother.
This case will not go away. The good people of Pocomoke still want answers. They volunteered their precious time and monies on more than one occasion only to be chastised by the great hope in the end.
Local LE has worked overtime again and again with no answers. The suspects have moved about endlessly causing turmoil and chaos for others in their path only to return to Pocomoke.
We were told by the new hope "they were being interrogated". We were told "they were cooperating" and that "leads" and "witness's" were "coming forward". What did we get? A long series of embellishments and plagiarism compiled into chapters of who shot John (BS) for one reason and one reason only.
This "new hope", granted, has a silver tongue and even fooled me for a short period. So I don't place blame on those that hate me for exposing the "new hope". I had my hopes up as well and was blinded for a minute, but not much longer.
Where is the "new hope" now? What poor unsuspecting family is she chasing at present? What community is the "new hope" trying to segregate? Who is the "new hope" trying to sue? Which LE agency is being accused of a conspiracy? Yes the "new hope" still has a few of the lesser minded twisted around her little finger, but I bet that Christine's family has had second thoughts by now.
Through all the flack, attacks, and down right mean spirited nonsense we are still here and looking. We need no pat on the back. We need no recognition. We just want Christine found. Period! It's been too long.
Although we must face the facts that many have gone missing and have never been found, sad as it may be it's a reality.
Where is the hero that rode in on the white horse now?
We are still here!!
CANCELLATIONS/ VIRGINIA
Due the the inclimate weather,the following businesses, offices an events have been canceled or postponed:Dr. Tyler Nichols Rabies Clinic at the Accomac Animal Hospital-Cancelled
Rabies H1N1 Clinic Greenbush Animal Hospital-Cancelled
-anyone who wants H1N1 vaccine can get one at the either Health Department M-F 8:30 AM to 11:00 AM or from 1:00 PM to 4:00 PM.
Eastern Shore Community College- Closed Saturday
Both Accomack County Landfills- Closed Saturday will reopen Monday February 1st
Al Accomack County Convenience Centers- Closed Saturday, will reopen Sunday January 31 at 12:00 Noon
Boys JV and Varsity Basketball games for Saturday January 31st- Postponed
Battle of Bands Scheduled Saturday, January 30- Postponed
Please note that other cancellations may follow..............
Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house- mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job..
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says,
'I Got Worms .'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dirt off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dirt on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this?
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job..
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says,
'I Got Worms .'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dirt off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dirt on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this?
Winter Storm Warning
The original forecasts predicting snowfall have come very short of what the meterologists are calling for currently. According to most, the Shore will see about an inch of snow Friday night and anywhere between 6-10 inches throughout the day Saturday. The chance of snowfall this weekend is 100%.
With that in mind, it important to take the following precautions. Make sure your vehicle is winter ready. Andy Linton, Service Manager at Midway Chevrolet in Pocomoke City, says if you are driving, it is important to make sure your car is snow ready.
Linton advises motorists, "If you have to go out in the snow, the best thing to do is to make sure your tires are properly inflated and have plenty of tread, all your lights are working properly and that you have a good set of wiper blades on your vehicle."
Linton also has pointers for you if you should get into an accident, "the best thing you can do is call a tow service. Dont try to push the car out, just turn on your hazard lights and call a tow service."
Linton added, the best thing to do is not to drive in these conditions.
If you should drive, be sure to keep a safe distance of at least five seconds behind other vehicles, be aware of potentially icy areas such as shady spots, bridges and overpasses. When driving on ice, dont slam on your brakes and turn slowly because sudden changes can cause your car to spin out of control. For the latest road conditions, stay tuned to WESR or call 511.
Do y'all have your fresh bread, milk, eggs and toilet paper? No? Better run and get it before we get a 1/2 inch of snow.
The National Weather Service has issued a winter storm warning for our area, we could get "up to 4 inches of snow" WOW!!!
When I was a youngun we used to get a foot a few times a year and that didn't stop us and we didn't see a car in the ditch every 1/2 mile. Now people run off the road while the roads are still clear, the falling snow must be hypnotizing.
We might get an inch or two, I hope we get 3 feet.
Anyway stay safe and enjoy the rare white stuff.
With that in mind, it important to take the following precautions. Make sure your vehicle is winter ready. Andy Linton, Service Manager at Midway Chevrolet in Pocomoke City, says if you are driving, it is important to make sure your car is snow ready.
Linton advises motorists, "If you have to go out in the snow, the best thing to do is to make sure your tires are properly inflated and have plenty of tread, all your lights are working properly and that you have a good set of wiper blades on your vehicle."
Linton also has pointers for you if you should get into an accident, "the best thing you can do is call a tow service. Dont try to push the car out, just turn on your hazard lights and call a tow service."
Linton added, the best thing to do is not to drive in these conditions.
If you should drive, be sure to keep a safe distance of at least five seconds behind other vehicles, be aware of potentially icy areas such as shady spots, bridges and overpasses. When driving on ice, dont slam on your brakes and turn slowly because sudden changes can cause your car to spin out of control. For the latest road conditions, stay tuned to WESR or call 511.
Do y'all have your fresh bread, milk, eggs and toilet paper? No? Better run and get it before we get a 1/2 inch of snow.
The National Weather Service has issued a winter storm warning for our area, we could get "up to 4 inches of snow" WOW!!!
When I was a youngun we used to get a foot a few times a year and that didn't stop us and we didn't see a car in the ditch every 1/2 mile. Now people run off the road while the roads are still clear, the falling snow must be hypnotizing.
We might get an inch or two, I hope we get 3 feet.
Anyway stay safe and enjoy the rare white stuff.
More On Skeletal Remains Found On Tangier
According to Sheriff Larry Giddens, on Wednesday, January 27, the Accomack County Sheriffs Office received a report from the Virginia Marine Police regarding skeletal remains that were found in a cardboard box near a dumpster on Tangier Island. The aged skeletal remains were transported by the Investigations Division to the Medical Examiners Office in Norfolk, Virginia.
Sheriff Giddens stated that the investigation is continuing. As of now, it is unclear who gathered the skeletal remains and why they placed them in a cardboard box.
Residents believe the remains found is an old grave that washed away from the neighboring island of Port Isobel. There is an old cemetery on the shoreline of Port Isobel, which has been eroding for quite some time now.
www.shoredailynews.com
Students Invited to Design Duck Stamp
CHINCOTEAGUE -- The Chincoteague National Wildlife Refuge invites students K-12 attending public, private, or home schools to participate in the 2010 Junior Duck Stamp Design Contest.
The competition is an art-based educational program that allows students to participate in a nationwide waterfowl arts competition. The process also exposes students to the nation's wealth of migratory waterfowl and motivates students to take active roles in conserving these species, said Virginia Junior Duck Stamp Program Coordinator Aubrey Hall.
Hall also emphasized that the program is meant to be a fun journey into the world of waterfowl. The artistic skill level of the students is not the focus of the contest.
All students entering the state contest will receive a Certificate of Participation. Entries may also receive prizes or honorable mention ribbons. The State Best of Show will represent Virginia in the national competition. National awards include a complimentary trip to the First Day of Duck Stamp Sales Ceremony in Washington, D.C. and a monetary award.
Participants select a bird from a list of native North American waterfowl. For more information, contact refuge staff or explore the Federal Duck Stamp Web site (http://www.fws.gov/juniorduck/).
Entries must be mailed to Chincoteague National Wildlife Refuge, P.O. Box 62, Chincoteague, Va. 23336 and postmarked by midnight, March 15. Judging will occur Friday, March 19.
Withams, Va. Woman Wins Big On Scratch-Off
WITHAMS — A mid-January weekend may have seemed longer for Eileen Knobloch of Withams than for most people. State offices were closed Monday for Martin Luther King Day. She had a Virginia Lottery ticket worth $100,000 and she had to wait until Tuesday, the next business day, to redeem it.
“I kept it in a safe over the weekend when the offices were closed,” she told Lottery officials as she claimed her prize.
Knobloch scratched to win the top prize in the Face Cards game. She bought the winning ticket at Corner Videos at 6491 Lankford Highway in Oak Hall, Virginia.
When she discovered she had a top-prize-winning ticket, she told her children first. “They were thrilled to pieces,” she said.
This is the fifth top-prize winner redeemed in the Face Cards game, which means one $100,000 ticket remains unclaimed.
Nearly 95 cents of each dollar spent on the Virginia Lottery by players goes back to the Commonwealth in the form of contributions to education, prizes and retailer commissions. Since 1999, all Virginia Lottery profits have been designated solely to K-12 public school education in the Commonwealth. In that time, the Lottery has turned over more than $4 billion for Virginia’s public schools. The latest annual profits of $439.1 million currently represent about 7 percent of state funding for public education in Virginia. In 21 years, the Lottery has sold more than $21.1 billion in tickets, awarded more than $1.1 billion in retailer commissions and paid more than $11.6 billion in prizes to players.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
TANGIER: Skull and Human Bones Found in Box
By Carol Vaughn
Staff Writer
TANGIER ISLAND — A couple out for a ride Wednesday afternoon found a skull and other human bones in a cardboard box lying behind the town trash receptacles on the northern end of this Chesapeake Bay island.
The skeletal remains appear to be old and officials speculate they could have washed ashore from a cemetery on Uppards, a small uninhabited island just north of Tangier.
“It was not intact. The skull was there; there were definitely arms and ribs,” said Mayor James Eskridge, who was called to the scene. He informed Tangier police officer John Charnock and the Virginia Marine Resources Commission about the discovery.
“It was not an everyday thing,” he said of the grisly find.
Accomack County Sheriff Larry Giddens said Thursday morning he is sending an investigator to the island to examine the scene. Giddens said the remains will be taken to a forensic laboratory in Norfolk for further investigation.
Eskridge is curious about who gathered the bones and put them into the cardboard box, as well as why they would leave the remains behind the trash dump.
“They were definitely placed there,” he said, adding, “What the story is, I don’t know.”
The bones could have washed ashore on Tangier’s northern point after a grave on Uppards fell into the Chesapeake Bay, he said. The Uppards cemetery holds the remains of four families that once lived on the island. Graves there date from the 1800s to about 1930, Eskridge said.
Summertime visitors to Uppards in recent years have reported seeing human bones as they walked along the shoreline there, he said.
“I actually know one of the graves up there was an Eskridge...It was getting ready to go in the water,” Eskridge said. He had those remains reburied on Port Isobel, next to Tangier, because the deceased person likely was his relative.
This story should make a good conversation among the locals. If these bones are drifting from the island nearby isn't it time the state of Virginia does something about it? |
Pocket Taser Stun Gun- A Great Gift for the Wife?
This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at the Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary, and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The consequences of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse effects on her assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference -- pretty cute, really -- and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries, thinking to myself, "No possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it, master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a Taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative.
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there???
My triceps, right thigh, were still burning and twitching. My face felt as if it had been shot up with Novocain and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
Still in shock
Last weekend I saw something at the Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary, and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The consequences of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse effects on her assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference -- pretty cute, really -- and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries, thinking to myself, "No possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it, master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a Taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative.
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there???
My triceps, right thigh, were still burning and twitching. My face felt as if it had been shot up with Novocain and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
Still in shock
‘Animals Dying’: Man Sets Himself on Fire Outside Portland Fur Store
Soooo? Liberals really do smoke.
PORTLAND, Ore. - A man set himself on fire after pouring gasoline on himself outside Nicholas Ungar Furs at 12th and Yamhill Wednesday morning before police used a fire extinguisher to put out the flames.
It was not immediately clear whether the man was protesting against the store, which has had problem with animal rights activists in the past, but witnesses said he was screaming about the treatment of animals.
“There are animals dying! Animals dying!” witnesses said the man was screaming as flames engulfed his body and shot above his head.
“He tried to run into the building,” said witness Mike Cheema who owns a food cart a few feet from where the incident occurred. “The door was locked. He couldn’t get in. He came right out screaming, ‘the world is ending, animals dying!’”
“I looked over … flames, burning. I thought he was crazy,” said another witness L.C. “It was traumatizing. It was horrible.”
“I saw a guy that was running around with his arms waving, and he was completely on fire,” said Julie Sies who was walking to a dentist appointment at the time. “He was just screaming and asking for help.”
Witnesses gave different accounts of the path the man took while he was on fire. The fire blackened the sidewalk and charred remains were scattered about the area, including what appeared to be a footprint.
The man was taken to Legacy Emanuel Hospital and authorities said he was in critical condition. His name has not been released.
No one at Nicholas Ungar Furs wanted to comment on the incident.
VIA
PORTLAND, Ore. - A man set himself on fire after pouring gasoline on himself outside Nicholas Ungar Furs at 12th and Yamhill Wednesday morning before police used a fire extinguisher to put out the flames.
It was not immediately clear whether the man was protesting against the store, which has had problem with animal rights activists in the past, but witnesses said he was screaming about the treatment of animals.
“There are animals dying! Animals dying!” witnesses said the man was screaming as flames engulfed his body and shot above his head.
“He tried to run into the building,” said witness Mike Cheema who owns a food cart a few feet from where the incident occurred. “The door was locked. He couldn’t get in. He came right out screaming, ‘the world is ending, animals dying!’”
“I looked over … flames, burning. I thought he was crazy,” said another witness L.C. “It was traumatizing. It was horrible.”
“I saw a guy that was running around with his arms waving, and he was completely on fire,” said Julie Sies who was walking to a dentist appointment at the time. “He was just screaming and asking for help.”
Witnesses gave different accounts of the path the man took while he was on fire. The fire blackened the sidewalk and charred remains were scattered about the area, including what appeared to be a footprint.
The man was taken to Legacy Emanuel Hospital and authorities said he was in critical condition. His name has not been released.
No one at Nicholas Ungar Furs wanted to comment on the incident.
VIA
Dog drifts 75 miles on ice, rescued in Baltic Sea
WARSAW, Poland - A frightened, shivering dog was rescued after floating at least 75 miles (120 kilometers) on an ice floe down Poland's Vistula River and into the Baltic Sea, officials said Thursday. Now his saviors just have to figure out who really owns him.
Four people have already claimed him, but so far rescuers say there's been no wagging tail of joy from the miracle dog they nicknamed "Baltic."
The dog's frozen odyssey came as Poland suffers through a winter cold snap, with temperatures dipping to below minus 4 degrees Fahrenheit (minus 20 Celsius).
The thick-furred male dog was found adrift Monday 15 miles (24 kilometers) out in the Baltic Sea by the crew of the Baltica, a Polish ship of ocean scientists carrying out research.
Researcher Natalia Drgas said Thursday the rescue was difficult and at one point it seemed the dog had drowned.
"It was really a tough struggle. It kept slipping into the water and crawling back on top of the ice. At one point it vanished underwater, under the ship and we thought it was the end, but it emerged again and crawled on an ice sheet," Drgas said.
At that point, the crew lowered a pontoon down to the water and a crew member managed to grab the dog by the scruff of his neck and pull him to safety.
Too weak to shake off the frigid water, Baltic was dried and wrapped in blankets. After he warmed up, he was massaged, fed and soon got on his feet to seek company, Drgas said.
A firefighter in Grudziadz, on the Vistula river 60 miles (100 kilometers) inland from the Bay of Gdansk, told The Associated Press the dog was spotted Saturday floating on ice through the city. Firefighters tried to save him but could not approach the dog due to shifting ice sheets, said the officer, who spoke on condition of anonymity.
The Baltica crew, now moored in the port city of Gdynia, have been searching for the dog's owners, ship captain Jerzy Wosachlo said. So far four people have claimed him, but Baltic has not claimed any of them back, Drgas said.
The dog didn't welcome the first two people to come for him, keeping his distance and showing no recognition toward a couple on Wednesday and a woman on Thursday who both said he was theirs. Two other would-be owners were still en route to Gdynia for a possible reunion.
Once in port, the brown-and-black mongrel was taken to a veterinarian, who found him in surprisingly good condition and estimated his age at around 5 or 6 years old. Veterinarian Aleksandra Lawniczak said the 44-pound (20-kilogram) dog was clearly frightened but in strikingly good shape and had suffered no frostbite.
A dog with thick fur and a layer of fat can survive such cold conditions for as long as eight days if it has water to drink, Lawniczak said.
She described Baltic as a friendly dog who was clearly well treated before getting lost.
Wosachlo said the research team is prepared to adopt Baltic if his original owner is never found.
CAUTION; G-MAIL USERS
To all that use G-Mail beware of this phishing scam. I just received this in my G-Mail account. This IS NOT from Google. This is a scam, do not reply
Gmail to accounts
show details 7:17 PM (31 minutes ago)
We are shutting down some email accounts and your account was automatically chosen to be deleted. If you are still interested in using our email service please fill in the space below for verification purpose by clicking the reply button. Learn more
Account:
Password:
Birth date:
Country:
Warning!!! Account owner that refuses to update his or her account within Seven days of receiving this warning will lose his or her account permanently.
Thank you for using Gmail !
The Gmail Team
G MAI L BETA
Gmail to accounts
show details 7:17 PM (31 minutes ago)
We are shutting down some email accounts and your account was automatically chosen to be deleted. If you are still interested in using our email service please fill in the space below for verification purpose by clicking the reply button. Learn more
Account:
Password:
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Warning!!! Account owner that refuses to update his or her account within Seven days of receiving this warning will lose his or her account permanently.
Thank you for using Gmail !
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Eastern Shore Wedding Expo Postponed due to snow
The date has been Changed from Feb. 5th to Feb 7th!!!
Make Your Wedding Dreams Come True
Eastern Shore Wedding Expo
Sunday, February 7, 2010
12:00 p.m. – 3:00 p.m.
Bridal Fashion Show at 2:00 p.m.
Eastern Shore Community College
Workforce Development Center
29300 Lankford Highway, Melfa, Virginia
Info: Linda Baylis Spence, Events Coordinator (757) 789-5927
Caterers • Florists • Bakeries
Reception Facilities • Hair & Makeup Consultants
Honeymoon Destinations • Wedding Supplies & Rentals
Photographers • Gowns • Tuxes
Free Admission Door Prizes
Make Your Wedding Dreams Come True
Eastern Shore Wedding Expo
Sunday, February 7, 2010
12:00 p.m. – 3:00 p.m.
Bridal Fashion Show at 2:00 p.m.
Eastern Shore Community College
Workforce Development Center
29300 Lankford Highway, Melfa, Virginia
Info: Linda Baylis Spence, Events Coordinator (757) 789-5927
Caterers • Florists • Bakeries
Reception Facilities • Hair & Makeup Consultants
Honeymoon Destinations • Wedding Supplies & Rentals
Photographers • Gowns • Tuxes
Free Admission Door Prizes
Changing with the times
At a certain age, everyone will understand this poor guy.
I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter.
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids, and 2 great-grandkids that couldn't communicate with me in the normal way.
I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix, and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation.
I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library.
I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the BlueTooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive.
I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes & Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it and I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dashboard, but the lady inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating."
You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light.
Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GSP lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house.
We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me.
They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store.
You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop.
I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused but I never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me "Paper or Plastic?", I just say, "Doesn't matter to me.
I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.
Oh, Lord, I pray that when I get like this, I hope I can retain my sense of humor.
CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
TO THE GUY WHO TRIED TO MUG ME IN DOWNTOWN
LAST. DATE: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 A.M. E.S.T. I WAS THE GUY WEARING THE BLACK BURBERRY JACKET THAT YOU DEMANDED THAT I HAND OVER, SHORTLY AFTER YOU PULLED THE KNIFE ON ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND, THREATENING OUR LIVES. YOU ALSO ASKED FOR MY GIRLFRIEND'S PURSE AND EARRINGS.
I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT YOU SOMEHOW COME ACROSS THIS RATHER IMPORTANT MESSAGE.
FIRST, I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR EMBARRASSMENT; I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO ACTUALLY CRAP IN YOUR PANTS WHEN I DREW MY PISTOL AFTER YOU TOOK MY JACKET … THE EVENING WAS NOT THAT COLD, AND I WAS WEARING THE JACKET FOR A REASON … MY GIRLFRIEND HAD JUST BOUGHT ME THAT KIMBER MODEL 1911 .45 ACP PISTOL FOR MY BIRTHDAY, AND WE HAD PICKED UP A SHOULDER HOLSTER FOR IT THAT VERY EVENING. OBVIOUSLY YOU AGREE THAT IT IS A VERY INTIMIDATING WEAPON WHEN POINTED AT YOUR HEAD ... ISN'T IT?!
I KNOW IT PROBABLY WASN'T FUN WALKING BACK TO WHEREVER YOU'D COME
FROM WITH THAT BROWN SLUDGE IN YOUR PANTS. I'M SURE IT WAS EVEN WORSE WALKING BARE-FOOTED SINCE I MADE YOU LEAVE YOUR SHOES, CELL PHONE, AND WALLET WITH ME. [THAT PREVENTED YOU FROM CALLING OR RUNNING TO YOUR BUDDIES TO COME HELP MUG US AGAIN].
AFTER I CALLED YOUR MOTHER OR "MOMMA" AS YOU HAD HER LISTED IN YOUR CELL, I EXPLAINED THE ENTIRE EPISODE OF WHAT YOU'D DONE. THEN I WENT AND FILLED UP MY GAS TANK AS WELL AS THOSE OF FOUR OTHER PEOPLE IN THE GAS STATION, … ON YOUR CREDIT CARD … THE GUY WITH THE BIG MOTOR HOME TOOK 150 GALLONS AND WAS EXTREMELY GRATEFUL! I GAVE YOUR SHOES TO A HOMELESS GUY OUTSIDE VINNIE VAN GO GO'S, ALONG WITH ALL THE CASH IN YOUR WALLET. [THAT MADE HIS DAY!]
I THEN THREW YOUR WALLET INTO THE BIG PINK "PIMP
PARKED AT THE CURB .... AFTER I BROKE THE WINDSHIELD AND SIDE WINDOW
AND KEYED THE ENTIRE DRIVER'S SIDE OF THE CAR.
LATER, I CALLED A BUNCH OF PHONE SEX NUMBERS FROM YOUR CELL PHONE. MA
EARLIER, I MANAGED TO GET IN TWO THREATENING PHONE CALLS TO THE D.A.'S OFFICE AND ONE TO THE FBI, WHILE MENTIONING PRESIDENT OBAMA AS MY POSSIBLE TARGET. THE FBI GUY SEEMED REALLY INTENSE AND WE HAD A NICE LONG CHAT (I GUESS WHILE HE TRACED YOUR NUMBER ETC.).
I WISH YOU
THOUGHTFULLY YOURS, ALEX
How to wash a toilet
This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you
1. Put both lids of the toilet up
And add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid.
You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times.
This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home.
Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom,
And run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean..
Sincerely, The Dog
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