Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Saturday, November 28, 2009
It seems that a new segment of the population with entirely too much time on their hands has taken to making sure jokes on television shows, such as Saturday Night Live, are fact-checked.
So if a comedian makes a joke at the expense of President Barack Obama, the writer is supposed to make sure the the punchline doesn't stray too far from reality.
CNN recently fact-checked an SNL skit on President Obama.
Are they serious?
I suppose we should check whether the chicken really did cross the road and get a positive identification on who was at the door for all "knock-knock" jokes.
While the idea of fact-checking jokes is ludicrous, I can understand why some folks are upset. As shown in the huge television ratings of comedy shows, such as SNL and the Jon Stewart Show, during the presidential election, these shows are increasingly influential in shaping public opinion.
But these whiners have to get a grip and understand that a joke is a joke and sometimes President Obama and the Democrats will be targeted, and other times, it will be Sarah Palin and the Republicans playing the butt of the joke.
As long as its funny, it doesn't matter who is being clowned.
Monday, November 23, 2009
This weekend's show opened with a parody of Obama's news conference with China's president that included jabs at the administration's spending on economic stimulus, health care reform, bailouts and Cash for Clunkers. America's $800 billion debt to China was the butt of many jokes.
"Remember this moment, folks," Andrew Breitbart's Big Hollywood announced. "One year after Obama's election and just more than ten months into his administration, 'Saturday Night Live' takes its first crack at Obama for something other than not being left enough."
But it's not the first time SNL has generated buzz by skewering President Obama. At the beginning of October, pundits declared the caustic "do-nothing Obama" sketch a turning point in the popular perception of the new president. CNN took it so seriously it actually fact-checked the comedy bit -- setting off a second wave of mockery.
"SNL's awakening is a sign that Obama's honeymoon is over," said Ellie Velinska on Right Pundits.com, who saw the China news conference skit as a reflection of a "public revolt against some of Obama's policies."
Another Black Conservative's Clifton B agreed. "There appears to be growing noise on the left that Obama ain't all that," he blogged.
While rejecting the idea that "liberal comedians are somehow arbiters of popular culture, let alone public policy," Power Line's John Hinderaker said Saturday's "sometimes-funny" sketch did "seem significant."
Mediaite's Joe Coscarelli thought the routine was "short on laughs" and wondered whether SNL's writers would "consciously sacrifice funniness" to make a political point.
Those who weren't amused by the Obama jokes might have enjoyed the mash-up that turned a movie trailer for the end-of-the-world blockbuster "2012" into a glimpse of what happens when Sarah Palin is elected president (with Glenn Beck as VP). And it was a real politician, not a comedian playing one, who got some of the night's biggest laughs. Former Vice President Al Gore declared on "Weekend Update" that in order to draw attention to the climate-change crisis, he was going to "start acting crazy."
Whether there's really any deeper meaning to SNL's political humor -- and what, if anything, that signals for the president -- is debatable. Comedy shows might try to influence policy, but they don't stay on the air for more than 30 years unless they make people laugh. From Nixon, Ford and Carter in its early days to Clinton, Bush and now Obama, "Saturday Night Live" has always been at its best when its presidential punch lines tickle the funny bone and strike a nerve at the same time.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
However, there are almost as many videos titled "How Not to Fry a Turkey" on YouTube, because when you take a vat of high-temperature oil, and drop something heavy into it, it's rife with potential for things to go horribly wrong. They're all pretty cringe-worthy, ranging from the comparatively tame -- flip-flopped feet getting splattered with hot oil -- to out-and-out fireball- and-pillar-of-smoke disasters. Here's an example of the latter (though admittedly, it was done as a TV stunt).
Sunday, November 15, 2009
a good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day.......
About two hours into my first day on the job
a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman
walked into the store with her two kids, Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly,
'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there.. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the h... would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,
I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't
cut out for this line of work.
Hat Tip; Ree
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Annoying GPS gag might not direct you to your destination, but it's sure to have you laughing all the way there. Just push the button to hear the British female voice deliver one of many unhelpful comments in the style of a GPS. One-liners are sure to strike a chord with drivers.
No actual directions - just for fun! Not to be used for navigation, entertainment only. Comments include,
"I know you are a man, but can you please admit you are lost and ask for directions?",
"I'm sorry we didn't sleep together last night, but can you stop driving like a lunatic?",
"In 50 feet turn off the ball game and put on my favorite Barry Manilow CD.",
"In 100 feet, stop and think, did you lock the back door?', and
"In 100 yards I'm going to talk to you in that special voice which should let you know you've upset me in someway".
Friday, October 30, 2009
This classic video featuring a Halloween prank gone horribly awry is kind of like that. Only in
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and hedoesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at
'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..
'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph..
(Remember, the Pope is German..)
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'
'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Chief: ' A senator?'
Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
'Well,' said the Chief, 'who i s it?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's
Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
A Japanese company, Haruyama Trading Co., has developed a suit that it claims protects the wearer from the deadly H1N1 strain of influenza.
The company has produced 50,000 of the suits and will start selling them on Thursday, according to a company spokesman.
The suit is coated with the chemical titanium dioxide, which reacts to light to break down and kill the virus when it comes into contact with it, according to Junko Hirohata. The chemical is a common ingredient in toothpaste and cosmetics.
The suit - which is indistinguishable from any other worn by Japan's legion of "salarymen" - comes in four colours and styles, which are medium grey, charcoal, navy and a grey pinstripe. It will go on sale for about £365.
The company said it spent a year developing the suit, which retains its properties even after being washed numerous times.
Japan has been gripped by swine flu fear since the global outbreak began a year ago, with the World Health Organisation confirming more than 340,000 cases worldwide and around 4,100 deaths.
A seven-year-old boy became the latest victim in Japan on Sept 22, the youngest and 18th fatality from the disease here.
In the same week, medical institutions across the country reported treating 23,275 cases of influenza, the majority with the new H1N1 strain. Most of the new cases were reported in urban areas, where population density increases the risk of transmission.
Wait, ain't that the guy running from the bear?
'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river,
He heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder
& saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of
Him, reaching for him with his
Left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?
The atheist looked directly into the light,
'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?
' Very Well,' said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started...
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah , she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Police in central Pennsylvania say they've nabbed a real pot head.
Twenty-nine-year-old Cesar Lopez is charged with drug possession after police say an officer saw him with a bag of marijuana stuck to his forehead.
Investigators say an officer saw Lopez looking at the inside of his baseball cap in a convenience store early Saturday morning in Lebanon, about 75 miles northwest of Philadelphia. When Lopez looked up, the officer spotted a small plastic bag appearing to contain marijuana stuck to his forehead.
Police say the officer peeled the bag off Lopez's forehead and placed him under arrest.
Authorities say the sweatband of a baseball cap is a frequent hiding place for drugs.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, “Y’all havin’ some problem with them circle flies?”
Obama stopped talking and said, “Well, yes, if that’s what they’re called, but I’ve never heard of circle flies.”
“Well Sir,” the cowboy replies, “circle flies hang around ranches. They’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”
“Oh,” Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, “Are you calling me a horse’s ass?”
“No, Sir,” the cowboy replies, “I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their President a horse’s ass.”
“That’s a good thing,” Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, “Hard to fool them flies, though.”
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
There's something lurking in the depths of Loch Ness, Scotland, and it has nothing to do with monsters.
On a recent expedition to try and find evidence of the Loch Ness monster, U.S. research teams came across something quite unexpected -- not a prehistoric creature of the deep, but thousands of plastic covered golf balls.
Mike O'Brien of SeaTrepid explains: "At first we thought they were mushrooms, there were so many. But when we lowered the camera, we were surprised to see that they were in fact golf balls."
The balls were found roughly 300 yards from the beach and 100 yards from the shore where it is thought locals and visitors have been using the loch to practice their driving skills for quite some time.
One witness, conservationist Adrian Shine, told CNN he had seen locals launching balls almost 300 feet into the waters.
However, Shine doesn't believe this to be an environmental threat: "Certainly it's undesirable, but I don't think it will have a significant environmental impact on the loch."
It seems missing and discarded golf balls may not be bad news for all concerned. David Roston has built a career out of wading through rivers and diving in lakes to collect and re-sell discarded golf balls.
His online company, www.lakeballs.co.uk, had been retailing "lake balls" for almost 10 years, but even his powers of retrieval would be challenged by the monstrous task of recovering balls from the bottom of loch.
"I've dived in various lakes and found 10 to 15 thousand golf balls at a time, it's incredible -- but we've never attempted to clear a loch!"
Bobbing along at a depth of 754 feet, it's unlikely these balls of Loch Ness will ever see the light of day again.